Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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