There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
