She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
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