Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
