I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
