woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
