i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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