someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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