i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
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