my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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