Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
