So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
