The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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