dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
