He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
