White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...