omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man