kristin has been a bad kristin
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
I dont know to explain this.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas