One girl and one boy is just not enough.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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