and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
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I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
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Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here