I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I feel like I smell like bad decisions