All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.