this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
21 Awkward Ways People Found Out Their Partner Was Into Outrageous Sex Acts
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake