Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
