Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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