The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
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when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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