you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
