Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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