i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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