You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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