I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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