Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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