Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
