he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
