I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize