swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
