I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize