Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
where does the pee come out of this thing
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize