Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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