In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
