I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
