that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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