he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
