I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
