I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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