I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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