Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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