Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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