How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
