Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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