just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
