Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
