We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
