new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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