every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
