Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
