If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I am available for nakedness
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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