then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
