I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
