You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
