Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
