I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
