when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
