That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
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He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
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It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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