i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize