i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
You have to summon your inner elephant
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
