After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Randomize
