theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
