I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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