Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
