She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
