It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
