i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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