her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize