I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
