when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
