No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
