U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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