He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
The Olympian is in my bed
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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