just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
