on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
