This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
