just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
