Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
