It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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