No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
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